why don’t you hold me in embrace

come in close & ebb & flow with me.

hold you close like sunshine..

you don’t let me breathe.

forgive my indiscretions

promise you’ll be kind.

hear me while i writhe

we see but never seek.

pardon as i stumble..

this is new to me.

i loved you like a house on fire ..
as you smolder & i peak..

i still hold you close & breathe.

keep me in these circles

running back & forth.

could you never really see..

as i gave you all the reasons.. shallow as we bleed..

my love i never asked for this.

for you to bury me in deep.

heavy as we carried.. heavy as we weep.

love all we can do is bleed

you came in warm like summer ether – fire looming in the sky..

this unfixed palpitation – your fingers move with witting contemplation against my tawny, florid skin.

you’re absent as i linger in my own impetuousness.

i feel you study as i stir from unbridled agitation – inhaling in this flux.

dismissed by your discernment –  emotion reflecting on my face..

your allegiance to obturation – this once your affliction.. now exists as mine to take.

you twist words into obscurities for you know i will concede -you lack benevolence to bear relent for me.

my existence on the outside – you will never bring me in..

once white pines grew opulent & wide – fire wild with fury spares not a thing from molten tide.

the moon hangs her head low – her tear rushing crimson carried out into the sea 

keep me in this nothing — waiting for this lust to absolve itself of sin.

these patterns are unbending – floating – ebbing – drifting as we sleep.

heaving through corrupted lungs  –  my mind ebbs back to when i could feel your love 

but i surrender adoration – i won’t be a penchant for your pain.

relinquish turned by ember – for all that i had suffered

it will never be in fucking vain.

crested broken home

do you feel it breaking underneath us?

do you see the shimmers off the horizon slowly fading to their death?

it all feels so different, im not blind.

i know this place because i have been here many times before

you forsake my love dear, i can feel it in the tide.

you pull me in when you feel me ebbing from your grasp.

what the fuck are we doing here… why did you ask me to come ..

i cant feel you there like i used to before..

you pull away from me & all of it goes dark.

my heart is growing tired now & im afraid of breaking..

i wont ask you to show me.. i wont think to beg …

i will slowly dissolve myself into a crystal sea..

i wonder where you have gone- how come you dont come back to me?

i dont know where we got it wrong cause now i cant seem to get any of it right.

lay here heavy weighted burden on my chest – my heart is slowly broken..

these waves i wait to crest.

tell me what to do love, i cant bare this loss.

you were everything so promising & you shimmered just like gold…

now we fill our void by silence cause you dont speak the words anymore.

i didnt come here for you to break me.

i didnt come here to be punished by you

if you cant fucking love me..

 

then let me fucking go.

 

in this family fire.

i came here bearing no apology

a shroud of thorns & pardons i have found

you think i stand here as the worst me..

this will be the last time.

hell burns around me wicked in her flame

i will burn every last thing you love

right down to the fucking ground

listen to me softly.

hear the words that shake with rath

i will not come to you to ask you

i will never bow for this bloodline

it all burns to embers burning red against my skin

do you fucking hear me now?

hell burns around me wicked fire in her flame

i will come here with no mercy & set it all ablaze

i will leave these fucking ashes just as theyre found.

in this family fire were falling

in this family fire were calling

in this family fire were crawling

you seek to hold me beneath the water now.

i am a fucking fire raging in the corners of your mind.

you forsake the people of my kind.

in this family fire were falling

in this family fire we are calling

in this family fire were crawling.

i come to bear no apology

i come with an army of my own

you cant spare me your mercy

you stand here as liars.

you come here as thieves.

you sell me out.

you held me down.

in this family fire

you are calling.

in this family fire

you are falling.

in this family fire

you are crawling..

this is not my family now.

disparaged apology.

Shoulders pulsing – ache, breathe into your swell.

 Counting toes, and finger tales.

Heart that’s throbbing, how to heal.

Skin that shimmers against the devil’s sun.

Chosen child, as you come undone.

Battered bruised, battle won.

Filling up against my chest, my lungs are tired.

Lay your head upon my breast.

Let me feed you- while you learn to crawl.

Forgiveness shunned us- the forsaken cruel.

Drag your fingers through bitter soil

Across my skin- lips apart.

Moving heart with time.

Brass offering, bold with shine.

Wait for the drawing, when the come.

Stand shoulders tall until its done.

Hold your hands and say your prayers.

When morning comes, don’t be scared.

If they pick you- out of line.

If they need you- in due time.

nothing left of what was mine.

Folded shadows against the shade.

Pull it closed so they can’t see.

The weak, the wounded, the plentiful.

Love it steals from me, it aches inside.

And since you’ve left me- I still die.

How do you clean up such a beautiful mess?

a permanent hole in my chest.

I bleed I ache- You chose, I break.

Hush now child, can’t you see.

reap to sew for now i bleed.

I abdicate you- as you have me.

 

herointhief

needle pin prick rush of blood
the high comes cheap stinging numb
fire flame to tourniquet.
spoon basin sizzles your soul omits
fuck it all just for one hit.
soon their face is not one you know
their eyes like black holes sewn into their face
they’ll lie to steal & tear it all apart.
it leaves you aching – it stings it hurts
curiosity to feel a part once was once then once is twice
a powdered substance- purloins the light
mother father sister son…
the unspoken truth of family heroin.
You watch it slowly altar their face…
they arent the same
a crippled face
open sores scatter their skin
Itching fading slurring speech.
This is what heroin takes from me
It consumes slowly from the inside out
But they don’t tell you …
If you don’t stay high it will make you sick…
Heroin is one nasty bitch.
Money missing …
such a binding curse
It loathes its users just the same …
Doctor,lawyer doesn’t care the name.
She does not discriminate.
Heroin has made me tired..made me sick…
It never tires..
Or ever quits…
Heroin inside a quiet home.
An addict sister …
It aches in my bones.
try to help give and plead…
It can’t be hindered a forced preclude
This addiction is around the clock.
I’m mad I’m angry but it does not stop…
This isn’t how it was supposed to be.
I watch her drowning in her speech…
Her eyelids squirm under her brow…
But she tires and her eyes give out.
She yells and screams awful things …
That’s how I know shes high again…
Her sparkle lacks all luster now.
But its heroin… WHY? HOW?
It keeps my mother awake most nights.
It rips her further away from our life…
I don’t know how to make it right…
Heroin has taken so much from me….
And yet I’m helpless…
To help her see.
She’s more than track marks
Covered by long sleeves.
Heroin took my sister away from me .  9

Oh, be still my wild heart.

We bend and fall.
I push to shove.
You’re so cold.
Like ice buried in my bones.
These night hours pour down over me.
I break for silence..
I’ve pushed so hard.
footsteps coming through the hall.
I’ve tricked myself but I don’t see.
Thick skin paper mache heart.
hold me together with fraying strings…
clasp the holes before I fall apart.
I know what needs to be done.
You with your fire
Me left with the burns.
Patronize me with your tongue.. im onto you.
And what you’ve done.
I trust nothing but my own feet.
I’m still fighting for peace.
It always fades from white to black
You’ve turned that blade into my back.
Show your face and speak your words..
A coward hides his head in earth.
I know to walk before I can fall.
I know to disconnect before I get the call.
You hear me loud and hard
Clear as sunlight cracking through the cloud.
Float away somber one.
I didn’t ask for this..
What have you done.
Stencil scars into my skin.
a road map of heart tales
Battles I could never win.
tip toe across the massacre.
You pull to hard.
my thick skin
My damaged parts
no one finishes what they start.
dirty messes
Caustic hearts.
Neon smile
generic grin.
another lost.
Slayed by sin.

Corrupted

Milky incandescence..
A shallow hole inside my chest.
nothing lasts forever..
Glitter on the chandelier..
Walk these frozen streets.
You call and I would listen.
I was all id ever be.
I spent my moments heaving through corrupted lungs.
Counting indiscretions that would only make me bleed.
silent in my ocean heart..
Heavy on my gilded feet.
There was no coming down
From this high once I got you in my blood.
I’m ripping through scar tissue
I’m running in my sleep.
my lungs full with posion.
wrapped in lace sheath.
I heave through the water
rough under my teeth.
a heart is such a fragile thing..
Never made to keep.
Swelling in my veins..
It makes it hard to sleep…
I’m drowning in your secrets..
decaying where we sleep.
restless disposition.
Despite my softened knees.
Scars in shapes of names
blood stains on your cheek.
Familiar with this silence..
What else could I have done..
You were busy leaving..
I was heaving through corrupted lungs…

swollenlungs

Plunge my hands into this water
It aches cold inside my bones.
I etch this sullen memory into
The creases in my sleeves.
I stare at my reflection
Try to figure out what’s so wrong with me.
I speak these words that turn to stone in spite of me.
All these dreams swirling in my eyes.
I had a plan before you came here
I was broken unraveled
June pierces into my skin
I watch the holes pool with blood
I exhale but I can’t breathe.
I clench my fists filled with fury.
Knew deep in snow
Textiles on my sweater
Secrets that you keep from me.
You speak in tongues
I can’t read between your spaces
You make excuses for yourself.
It’s something to behold.
You set my wings on fire..
And then let go of me.
I sink into this water
A galaxy of stars
It’s cold shatters through me
Burning arrows
Flaming spears.
Be still my heart.
Center in the lines.
Why didn’t we work it out.
Why did you just give up on me?
Why did you come into my life
Like a million rays of sun gentle on my cheek..
Why did you shake up my sea.
You colored me wonderful
Like a child playing in the spring
You grew a garden in my heart
Then you didn’t stay to tend the seeds
You came here with a fervor ..
Then you were silence in the darkness..
I plunge my heart into this water.
And cold aches inside my bones.
I wish that you weren’t broken..
I still carry that you see
And I’m trying to be better ..
With what I have left of me..

…

Listen to me shouting.
Can’t you hear the breaking sounds.
There’s a clatter in the matter
Something tears inside of me.
Don’t you get that I was broken
When you found me.
You fore sake me for my giving heart.
Then you leave me to my dreams.
Haunting memories ..
I used to feel so free
The way you used to laugh with me.
But I can feel that hole burning in my chest..
I can feel the song slowly dying off.
Your voice echoes through parts of me.
I can’t stop my heart from beating.
I cannot tie up the moon.
I won’t extinguish stars
I can’t stay out from underneath the sun.
I will not stand for nothing
Or I will break slowly in the dark.
And does it even matter that I’m caught in the between?
I’m afraid of what you used to be to me..
It all got away from me.
Drowning like sand into the sea.
Pull me back to hold me under …
You leave your heart on my memory.
I fought until my fists were bloody
Until the bone had punctured skin.
I have burns from touching you..
The scars that carry you and me.
I don’t recognize you much these days
I can’t remember who we used to be..
I hide behind this bitter veil
Cover me with thorns of ember
Why do you love to leave me..
It’s just a part of my memory.
Leave your heart on my memory..