you came in warm like summer ether – fire looming in the sky..

this unfixed palpitation – your fingers move with witting contemplation against my tawny, florid skin.

you’re absent as i linger in my own impetuousness.

i feel you study as i stir from unbridled agitation – inhaling in this flux.

dismissed by your discernment –  emotion reflecting on my face..

your allegiance to obturation – this once your affliction.. now exists as mine to take.

you twist words into obscurities for you know i will concede -you lack benevolence to bear relent for me.

my existence on the outside – you will never bring me in..

once white pines grew opulent & wide – fire wild with fury spares not a thing from molten tide.

the moon hangs her head low – her tear rushing crimson carried out into the sea 

keep me in this nothing — waiting for this lust to absolve itself of sin.

these patterns are unbending – floating – ebbing – drifting as we sleep.

heaving through corrupted lungs  –  my mind ebbs back to when i could feel your love 

but i surrender adoration – i won’t be a penchant for your pain.

relinquish turned by ember – for all that i had suffered

it will never be in fucking vain.

crested broken home

do you feel it breaking underneath us?

do you see the shimmers off the horizon slowly fading to their death?

it all feels so different, im not blind.

i know this place because i have been here many times before

you forsake my love dear, i can feel it in the tide.

you pull me in when you feel me ebbing from your grasp.

what the fuck are we doing here… why did you ask me to come ..

i cant feel you there like i used to before..

you pull away from me & all of it goes dark.

my heart is growing tired now & im afraid of breaking..

i wont ask you to show me.. i wont think to beg …

i will slowly dissolve myself into a crystal sea..

i wonder where you have gone- how come you dont come back to me?

i dont know where we got it wrong cause now i cant seem to get any of it right.

lay here heavy weighted burden on my chest – my heart is slowly broken..

these waves i wait to crest.

tell me what to do love, i cant bare this loss.

you were everything so promising & you shimmered just like gold…

now we fill our void by silence cause you dont speak the words anymore.

i didnt come here for you to break me.

i didnt come here to be punished by you

if you cant fucking love me..

 

then let me fucking go.

 

herointhief

needle pin prick rush of blood
the high comes cheap stinging numb
fire flame to tourniquet.
spoon basin sizzles your soul omits
fuck it all just for one hit.
soon their face is not one you know
their eyes like black holes sewn into their face
they’ll lie to steal & tear it all apart.
it leaves you aching – it stings it hurts
curiosity to feel a part once was once then once is twice
a powdered substance- purloins the light
mother father sister son…
the unspoken truth of family heroin.
You watch it slowly altar their face…
they arent the same
a crippled face
open sores scatter their skin
Itching fading slurring speech.
This is what heroin takes from me
It consumes slowly from the inside out
But they don’t tell you …
If you don’t stay high it will make you sick…
Heroin is one nasty bitch.
Money missing …
such a binding curse
It loathes its users just the same …
Doctor,lawyer doesn’t care the name.
She does not discriminate.
Heroin has made me tired..made me sick…
It never tires..
Or ever quits…
Heroin inside a quiet home.
An addict sister …
It aches in my bones.
try to help give and plead…
It can’t be hindered a forced preclude
This addiction is around the clock.
I’m mad I’m angry but it does not stop…
This isn’t how it was supposed to be.
I watch her drowning in her speech…
Her eyelids squirm under her brow…
But she tires and her eyes give out.
She yells and screams awful things …
That’s how I know shes high again…
Her sparkle lacks all luster now.
But its heroin… WHY? HOW?
It keeps my mother awake most nights.
It rips her further away from our life…
I don’t know how to make it right…
Heroin has taken so much from me….
And yet I’m helpless…
To help her see.
She’s more than track marks
Covered by long sleeves.
Heroin took my sister away from me .  9

Oh, be still my wild heart.

We bend and fall.
I push to shove.
You’re so cold.
Like ice buried in my bones.
These night hours pour down over me.
I break for silence..
I’ve pushed so hard.
footsteps coming through the hall.
I’ve tricked myself but I don’t see.
Thick skin paper mache heart.
hold me together with fraying strings…
clasp the holes before I fall apart.
I know what needs to be done.
You with your fire
Me left with the burns.
Patronize me with your tongue.. im onto you.
And what you’ve done.
I trust nothing but my own feet.
I’m still fighting for peace.
It always fades from white to black
You’ve turned that blade into my back.
Show your face and speak your words..
A coward hides his head in earth.
I know to walk before I can fall.
I know to disconnect before I get the call.
You hear me loud and hard
Clear as sunlight cracking through the cloud.
Float away somber one.
I didn’t ask for this..
What have you done.
Stencil scars into my skin.
a road map of heart tales
Battles I could never win.
tip toe across the massacre.
You pull to hard.
my thick skin
My damaged parts
no one finishes what they start.
dirty messes
Caustic hearts.
Neon smile
generic grin.
another lost.
Slayed by sin.

Corrupted

Milky incandescence..
A shallow hole inside my chest.
nothing lasts forever..
Glitter on the chandelier..
Walk these frozen streets.
You call and I would listen.
I was all id ever be.
I spent my moments heaving through corrupted lungs.
Counting indiscretions that would only make me bleed.
silent in my ocean heart..
Heavy on my gilded feet.
There was no coming down
From this high once I got you in my blood.
I’m ripping through scar tissue
I’m running in my sleep.
my lungs full with posion.
wrapped in lace sheath.
I heave through the water
rough under my teeth.
a heart is such a fragile thing..
Never made to keep.
Swelling in my veins..
It makes it hard to sleep…
I’m drowning in your secrets..
decaying where we sleep.
restless disposition.
Despite my softened knees.
Scars in shapes of names
blood stains on your cheek.
Familiar with this silence..
What else could I have done..
You were busy leaving..
I was heaving through corrupted lungs…

Traveling hearts

Today you board a plane to home.
And I’m trekking down I-4.
I find comfort in the simple things
Like the irony in life.
Like you are California kissed
And I’m in a winter wonderland ..
I couldn’t get close to you..
So I got as far away as I could find.
I don’t see the reason
We keep doing what we’ve done.
You have a place in my heart..
But I can’t quite find my place in yours ..
I knew we were falling..
But that didn’t stop us from running
I knew we may not survive it..
But that didn’t keep us away from fire.
I look up in the pillow of the clouds
Maybe you are mid flight.
And maybe as I look up
You are looking down.
Thinking the same things
I am thinking too…
Maybe you’ll come home for good
And I’ll be gone by then ..
Maybe that’s the way it plays out
Maybe that’s all we could ever give.
But you call home to California
But me I’m packing up for south
And maybe that’s the outcome
Maybe that’s something I will always doubt…
But I can’t say I didn’t love you
I can’t say that smoking cigarettes
Over cold cups of coffee in my hands..
At least I loved you loudly
Instead of being silent in my mind..
I knew I was falling …
But that didn’t stop me from trying
That didn’t keep me from myself

Wild warrior woman.

Her heart stained with bloodshed
Her shallow indiscretion
Shadows billow like black smoke
A warrior woman
A lifetime – no revoke
Somber in her footsteps
Roaring as she stands
Her arms bare all her scars
She digs her toes into the sand
Her eyes look like days of sleeplessness
Worry on her brow.
Her convictions weighing heady
Her fingers lace to crown
She carry on her shoulders
The heart cry sorrows.
She not dare to leave behind.
A sullen disposition
You will never see her cry.
She evokes the strength
Of an army of the Gods.
She will draw her blade to neck..
Should you threaten to draw yours.
Wild wicked woman
Waver not to wonder far to pass
You see her before you.
Warrior woman.
Her shell cast of iron..
Was once made out of glass
She will envelope you like fire
Hot a heady to her breast
She will feed in you a hunger.
The richest of man could not attest.
Somber silent sister
A shield of brazen steel.
For no man again she’ll wander
For not another she will feel.
She will offer to quench a thirst in you.
See to it you sleep sound.
Anger her and hear her roar
A wild woman hearth and shroud.
She know the bitter taste of grievance
As she sweat it from her skin
Not a single man whom cross her..
Will live to say he did.
Her course ebony hair saddle soft against her chin ..
She look gilded by sunshine
As she lay by fire, flicker flame.
Wild wicked woman
Never allow herself the blame ..
She drag her weapon lowly
You never hear her there.
Her spirit shielded by the whitest of lights..
And you can never see her there..
Wild wicked warrior woman
Should she come close to sense pain…
She takes to flight like gracious bird..
A moth to flame..
Wild warrior woman
It be her given right..
Wild warrior woman ..
A feline of the night.

I know that you don’t mind …

I know that you don’t mind it…
When my eyes are pale and true.
I know that you don’t mind
When my hair fills with waves against my shoulder blades …
I know that you don’t mind it
When I cry sometimes at night..
When my feelings get to heavy
And I’m carrying the weight.
I know that you don’t mind it
When I lay across the entire bed and steal your pillows from out beneath your head.
I know that you don’t mind it
When I’ve had to much to drink..
And I can barely make it past the kitchen sink …
I know that you don’t mind it…
Because these are parts of me ..
And I know that you don’t mind when I keep playing the same songs..
I know that you don’t mind it..
Because this is part of me..
Or how I leave the laundry unfolded in the basket by the bed..
Or leave my shoes in front of the door.. Not to the side instead..
I know that you don’t mind
When I laugh so hard I can’t catch my breath.
And I know that you don’t mind it
When somedays I’m not my best..

And I know that I get heavy and I say too many things without a thought.
I know that you don’t mind me ..
Because my love can’t count a cost.

And for the floors and windowsills
The snow across the pavement ..
The coffee stained countertops ..
Toothpaste in the sink..
I know that you don’t mind it
Because I remind you of home ..
And if everything we have ever done
has led us to be wrong
I know that you don’t mind it..
Because I’ll always sing to you your favorite songs.
I will always lay your clothes neatly in a drawer..
And I will move my shoes to the side for you.. So your path will be cleared …
I will always share the pillows
And rub your head until you sleep..
And …
I know that you don’t mind it..
Because these are parts of me..
And I’m so grateful that you love me
For the Chaotic swell that I can be ..

I know that you don’t mind it
Because these are the parts of me …

Revolution foundations.

I will never fully understand how things play out in the ways that they do.
Why build everything up so high–
Knowing inevitably it will all just fall down.

Foundations weaken
Walls grow hollow
Stress cracks in glass
Ropes that fray
Clay will grow tired and thin.

And every little shift
Everytime the earth inhales air deep into her breast.
Each exhalation stretches the seams.
In and out.
Before you know it..
There is a tear in the fabric of life.
So busy mending the imperfections we forget to nourish that acute overlooked hole.
And before we can place our fingers over all of the compromise ..

It all breaks and air floods out.
Walls crumble and the shift has broken under our feet..
Giving way to the new unwelcome
change.

And we stand there in the mess of our own ruin.
And we soak there in the realness of the cement breaking under natural pressure.

And I feel parts of us always stay behind in the mess.
Parts of us lay there in the defeat of the broken.
Staying behind with the loss.
And then small parts of us move on
To rebuild another cement foundation to stand on. Until undoubtably that will give out too.

perpetual motion

But yet we know the outcome
And get we keep building and rebuilding.
Busy constant moving through the swells.
Like one day it will prove strength and with stand.
And we will never have to walk away from that part of ourself that we bled for that we have broken our skin for. That we spent our whole lives laying and paving and keeping at..

Someday – it will stand strong like we built it …
And instead of walking away because we have to–
We will walk away because we chose to–

Elevate

What did we do here? To fall as far as we’ve done.
How’d we let it all unravel. Until the spool bled brown.
I turn my head and shut my eyes.
Hope for better days under my feet.
I wear this crown of heartaches
Underneath this veil of sorrow.
I just turn my head and shut my eyes.
Hope for better tomorrow’s.
When did we stop loving. Filling up with hate inside our chests ?
Why did we slow up and let it pass us
by ?
You think to turn a cheek.. Will spare your blind eye.
We walk with our heads held so high.
With nothing in our pockets but an ego sewn up with lies.
Hanging on for nothing … Letting go of good things.
We make mistakes and leave the lessons in the soil.
Carry our hearts on our bloodied sleeves.
Praying for a change- but we’re not finding solutions.
We can’t change a single thing
When we add to this pollution.
Breaking each other
False promises and empty whispers.
Turn our backs to the ugly- if we don’t look it will go away.
So how do we end up where we were going.. If we don’t walk strong.
How do we make the difference
If all we do is sing along..
Take a minute and ease the pain you can feel it stabbing in your chest.
I’m done turning my head.
I’m not closing my eyes..
We have to stand together
If we don’t walk tall we will end up down.
Don’t expect the burden to wash itself clean..
Lift your feet off the ground.
Love like you are dying.
Like everyone you see
Is dying right there with you.
Elevate yourself.
If you want to see a change
Then the change is what youll be
So I lift my head up to the sky..
Take a deep breath and open up my eyes.
I refuse to falter.
I’m not going out like that.