Tag Archives: writing

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you came in warm like summer ether – fire looming in the sky..

this unfixed palpitation – your fingers move with witting contemplation against my tawny, florid skin.

you’re absent as i linger in my own impetuousness.

i feel you study as i stir from unbridled agitation – inhaling in this flux.

dismissed by your discernment –  emotion reflecting on my face..

your allegiance to obturation – this once your affliction.. now exists as mine to take.

you twist words into obscurities for you know i will concede -you lack benevolence to bear relent for me.

my existence on the outside – you will never bring me in..

once white pines grew opulent & wide – fire wild with fury spares not a thing from molten tide.

the moon hangs her head low – her tear rushing crimson carried out into the sea 

keep me in this nothing — waiting for this lust to absolve itself of sin.

these patterns are unbending – floating – ebbing – drifting as we sleep.

heaving through corrupted lungs  –  my mind ebbs back to when i could feel your love 

but i surrender adoration – i won’t be a penchant for your pain.

relinquish turned by ember – for all that i had suffered

it will never be in fucking vain.

In the stillness, we were moving.

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it doesnt matter the stillness that fills your trembling heart.

the cracks fill up like renegades rushing worlds apart.

for you i was your solace when you were coming through the dark.

and i always counted laughter like the measures from a song.

and i always lent you my heart when yours was twisted up into a mess.

counterpart the heavy – blood leaking from my chest.

holding on like mortar – gilded by a metal vest.

and it didnt matter silence, it didnt matter smoldering holes.

not the lesson you had looked for when you were 18 years old.

my finger tips are heavy drag my nails into the earth.

slowly like a swell, then gone all at once.

it doesnt matter the stillness that leads us far apart.

the water fills your lungs heady with a days last goodbye.

you smoked all of my cigarettes as we sat down on that pier.

i close my eyes where i stand.. and still the moment is so clear.

and i search inside my guileless mind. i rack my heart for reasons.

maybe too drunk off the wine – maybe it was the way your laugh reminded me of mine..

and it all happened in the stillness, your soul latched onto mine.

and we didnt matter in the stillness. caught up in the commotion of a rhyme

and even when you’re out in California chasing commas like they’re dreams

and we matter in this stillness. like matter as we move.

and like stardust in my fingers, you and i we’re magic.

we were magic you and me.

my letter of good parting

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lets go with this.

at least 5 times a day– something inside the very fabric of my soul,nestled down in that deep hidden,lost,uncharted,plume of depth.. a fervor churns vigorously inside my obscure existence. the acute distraction, i implement daily, hourly, momentarily, to keep myself from withdrawing into a chaotic swell of sorrow and malady. The incessant affliction of disparate faces you wear so often. I cannot keep up with the changing of your tide, the swift motion of here now there, is it me or you. I cannot begin to paint the picture of where it leaves me in my own emotional battle.  You stagger back and forth; aloof; and unreachable. So much insolence to others, and yet you demand others to be so willing to accept you for your insouciance. Your shortcomings, your for lack of better word, insanity.

Pardon me for sharpening my swords, in the wake of your silence. you torture me with your carelessness.  and you sew me back up with vibrant delusion. only to relinquish me into perplexing moments of disarray.

your zeal has lost its luster.. your charm has eluded you; and left you to waver. you dont possess the obvious capacity it would take to love a woman as spellbinding as I stand.

i never wanted ill for you. only to see your world light up in the dark. to shine with the most glorious of color. to watch pastel sunrise slowly make sweet love to your warm skin. to know that even in your darkest hour; light would make its way into the tiniest, hidden, places in your heart. to know that because I could not be there; close enough to share the same air flowing through your lungs… that my soul could pick up and carry through the longest of nights. through the most arduous of days. to find you.. to enlighten you. to watch you in your totality.

but somehow i have shown to be inadequate in my feat to express compassion, and tenderness to you. I have somehow- not met your requirement that you so often dissipate so far away from me.

i must tell you it causes me a immense suffering. to walk with a fragmented heart. to feel the rigidity in the tone of your once rich, velvet voice. I feel as if, my own discern, has been sundered; lashed and left to lay; in defeat of a love–that has once again- proved itself soluble to the very root of her foundation.

that feeling; robs me of my happiness, because you so selfishly take from me; when you need; when you feel like i am deserving.. and that feeling; drowns any love; i will ever be able to hold onto for you; you suffocate me in this box. these walls.. lined with pictures of you; the casual aloof ring in your voice, the dust collecting like memories of an old friend; a tired story; a fairy princess who never made it out of the ivory tower.

but I will, again mend my scars with the the utmost benevolence, in the greatest magnitude of strength and conviction. you didnt know how to evoke empathy — and for you I feel sorry.

burningmemories//papertragedies

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i have burned your face into my memory like a swollen house.

i have forced myself to color with the shades inside your eyes.

cut out the paper tragedies that i hang up in my room

i feel like ive created a fantasy …

to escape the ghosts of you.

i have etched your splendor in to the covers of my books.

i have woven your tongue lashings into my heart strings.

folded  origami, paper cranes, lets build a house.

when i close my eyes i can see how much that i have lost.

oil paintings, colors running down the walls.

you never planned to stay..

you were never really here at all.

and i dont want to look away..

put my heart back on this shelf.

all i have left is the beating chorus that echoes in my chest.

your eyes staring back at me from a photograph

your sadness seeps out of your veins

i can see it written on your face.

i have retraced all of our memories.

i have built the walls with sand in side my room..

so that if one day you return to me..

you can still knock them down..

but for now my bitter apologies..

i tell you what you want to hear…

its all in vein…

the saddest part about this..

is that i thought you were my friend…

and now you are jagged..

and i am jaded in the end..

you are like a phantom

memories fading from my head..

and i never thought id have to hold back

from the things we always said..

 

 

honeysuckle woman

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honeysuckle woman. careless as she stands

sweet lilac purple she carries in her hand.

she lifts the tired stones she casts..

as they press underneath her feet.

shards of glass sink in bubbles.

her reflection makes her hate the way she loves him.

she is covered up again.

honeysuckle woman. weightless on her feet.

her dress a  pale shade of ivory

sweet and gentle sheer, tassels on her sleeves.

she moves with out a bustle, a hustle as she leaves

her warm deep hair chestnut. lazy waves rest at her shoulders.

a circle ring of silver, she wears  on her left hand.

she never wears her shoes, she always leaves them behind.

her skin is warm and olive.. her eyes a soft tawny tone..

she stands in the night hours.. and stares into the dusk.

she makes a wish on a falling star.. she lays underneath the moon.

her heart in constant chaos. it stays as if still lovers.

still she waits in silence, the calm before her storm.

she raises her hands out beside her.. and she is earthing circles in the grass.

she feels the soil cool and moist fill the space between her toes..

her fingers dance like music notes to a song she hears in her heart

she is spinning in her circles.. to erase it all away.

a poor girl with promise, and a gregarious smile..

she convicted to her reason, wears her beliefs like a coat.

she believes in magic, and superstitions, she believes that serendipity is a way of life.

she prays to the earth, and calls out to the wind, she plays in the water, and dances by the flames.

her spirit is free flowing, a tragically fragile ebb and flow.

she has a saucy tongue, a vocabulary of a queen.

her words they are like ocean waves, heavy and they hurt.

she speaks truth like she has never heard a lie. she dances even when she breaks to cry.

she is a woman on fire, with a spirit in her feet, a swift and perpetual motion..

she is happy; though she weeps.

she stand there in the between all time and space; truculent in her soiled footprints

she will not bend nor break.

she runs away in moments, ones that seem, make-believe, she lifts herself on pages, tattered with her poetry’s

of all her loves that failed to carry weight.

she carries on her arms, scars that often break and bleed, it makes her remember she is human.

that she can taste bitterness in the feelings in her pain.

honeysuckle woman, softly as she speaks.

let her carry you to fields of daisies, and run through willow trees.

let her show you secret gardens, where she will share the invisible that it keeps.

let her sink beneath the waters, that are beryl, and cerulean.

where the trees are the most vivid green youve ever seen, the sky looks like watercolor,

like she painted it with her own hands, where everything smells of floral, sage, and earth.

and let her grow to love you, she will honor your soul, and give you strength when it eludes you.

she will sing you lullabies as you sleep, she will memorize the spaces from your ear down to your cheek.

she will learn you, like a poet learns stanzas, the way a scholar studies every page inside a book, like a painter creates masterpiece out of nothing.

she will soak you into her soul, and breathe life over you. she is a honeysuckle woman.

she will hold you like a treasure that was forgotten in the sea.

she will set your world to sepia, things you have never seen.

she will be honest, and small against your skin, she will look to you in wonderment.

I know because I’ve seen.

she is a flower in a vase in the middle of a room, she is the scent of morning heavy on your skin.

she is a child of the stars, an accidental constellation, a line drawn in the sand.

she is a mystery as you see, those who try and seek her, will never keep her.

if she chooses to give you her love, you are among the few, who have ever felt her in the raw

she is a oddly marvelous in her way, and she moves through life radiating with love.

she is unwavering with her affections; and she is easy as she speaks.

this honeysuckle woman, is magnificent on her feet.

and should you catch a glimpse of her love, you should catch not to release..

honeysuckle woman, her spirit is exquisite as she is sleek.

honeysuckle woman-

steady in her feats.

 

[[see][betweenmylines]]

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life in black and white

shiny shades of grey and blue

strange face reflections

they resemble you.

reminiscent; like fluorescence.

channel it up out and away 

rip the pages out of your own book.

feel sorry for yourself

you dont like the way life looks.

cut your teeth on bible passages 

what does it mean for you

we are all astray with our sins.

abandon what you’re told when we were small

silver shards of heartache

streaking through the sky.

i wear my shroud; to cover my eyes

i always see the reasons.

you with your recline.

non compos mentis

savor your insanisty

a thirst when i am gone.

via dolorosa-

stitch together by a madness

sewn betwixt the wrongs

careful with my bleeding hands

hum to me another song.

pour yourself empty

take the space from in the holes.

caustic; cutting through.

im ten stories high.

we’re all going to die.

Au Revoir Mon bebe

ill see you when im there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

on your way down

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look at me… jump to conclusions.

look at me… fill up with worry.

look at you… running to hide.

look at you…making excuses.

what would the words be if the silence could be heard.

what would the signs point to if we could see them again

was there something i missed

was there something i said.

im looking for that moment when i lost you …

im searching for the moment that seemed out of time.

i just want to lay down on this floor

i want to cry so hard

til i cant breathe anymore.

this pain sits so heavy

a culmination of them all.

men who came before you..

the ones who left me behind..

the ones who played me out like a fool..

the ones who broke my heart into pieces..

and then left me to die..

missed apologies..

serrated edges of me.

filling up with apathy

suffocated by empathy.

look at me..jump to conclusions.

look at you.. no where to be found..

what would it sound like if you said it out loud..

i know it will sound like–

i dont want to hear..

it will sound like a heart break…

it will be a hollow goodbye.

it took me two weeks..

to memorize your face..

but who knows how long it will take to erase.

sunfive.

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its the wrong time

with somebody new

and i gave you so much of my light

even though i was in the dark

suffocating.

thinking of you.

im accused of a crime..

that i didnt do.

all i did was let you see me

when my world fell apart

and if you couldnt stand with me

if you couldnt be there

then why did you love me

then why do you care

the days get longer

the less; i hear from you

i wait by the phone

i listen for you

but maybe its silly

and i am a fool.

i just need you to tell me

that its all okay

that i am not crazy

that youre not gone away

i just need to hear it

come from your mouth

please just say anything..

2200 miles removed

i cant read the expression on your face

or see the fear in your eyes.

youre breaking my heart love..

i beg of you


 

in silence


 

i stand here


 

in light


 

i am blind


 

im scared to ask you

if its not what i want to hear

i dont know if im ready

to die where we sleep

to drown in the love

that we swam in so deep

you think that its different

you think its alright

and then it all comes undone

and you break through the night

im not going to ask you

or break my own heart

let myself unravel..

i am not going to do this

not with them

not with you

and what makes you different

is what makes you the same

if you have to say it

you want me to know

you were my best friend

now i dont know how to speak to you

a lump in my throat

at least my heart was open..

i know ive fucked it up sometimes

you drew the lines

but atleast my heart was open..

your own world devastated by you

pity yourself..when you have the time

take yourself home.

im not going to wait here

hanging on your line

 

Jason.

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I’d be remiss if I said it was easy
I’d be a fool to say I didn’t fall
Away with you
My heart so big
my heart so small
Memories fade
Old pictures on a wall
Id be lying if I said I wasn’t scared
That in your mind you are losing sight
I wish I could swallow all your troubles
I wish I could ease your
Troubled mind tonight
Empty your sorrows
Into my hands
Break them down
Into grains of sand
So you can see them
As all they’ll be.
Just troubles
That will pass away
A chance to breathe again
To see you smile
To know you’re alright
And i am sorry
That I am so far from there
That I can’t hold you
And make it all alright
And were both alone
In our thoughts tonight
I see the weight you carry
Rested on your back
I understand when you disappear
When your world turns to black
I’d be lying if I said
I’m walking in shadow of doubt
That in the days of silence
When I don’t have you on the line
I lose myself in thoughts unkind
Detached..
Removed
Rewind to you.
Can’t we just go back
To the way we used to be.
And if I lose this love in you
I lose my friend.
I lose all of you.
I’ll be alright
Like before
Useless metaphors
Words that make no sense
Id be remiss if I said …
I’m standing lost in my own head
Just like you told me
Remember what you said.
So I’ll rest my weary mind tonight
And hope tomorrow
You’ll be alright..

We’ll be alright..

static

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no shelter from disconnect

got some static on the line.

corduroy buttons.

lines of color trim the room

put me in the sunlight

let me wade in yellow.

somebodys shaking the walls now

i can feel the earth moving in my toes

but i could stand here next to you

i could tell you stories

i could swim out into the blue

chase the clouds that scatter into evening skies

would it make much difference now

ive no room left to move

a little bit of broken

shaking up a mess

leave it on the floor

set it all on fire

shielded by your heart

listening to the silence hanging in the room

im not sure why we came here

to look for things; we both feel; eludes.

bleeding through.

just a little bit of static

woven tight with disconnect…

the smell of burning cedar..

as i sleep there on your chest.

maudlin in the very way we  move.

proposals – lachrymose.

fragments in stillness

water seeps into my lungs.

and maybe you cant say it..

and maybe you cant move.

recollection

it slips right through my hands.

a little bit of disconnect..

only static coming though.