superNova

Come down one deeper.
Hands intertwined
No matter how scary.
This life may seem.
I am your sunshine
When the clouds swell with grey.
You are my summer
When winters at play.
Come down one deeper
Float here in my heart.
Swim in my soul
Wade in my laughter.
Calm in the ocean
Darkest by sea.
I am your August
In the dead still of December.
You are my bouquet of daisies
In a vase by the window.
Come down one deeper
Hold on to my fingers
And I’ll walk there with you.
I will explode into nothingness
And disperse through your skies.
Come down one deeper
And lay here with me.
Let me be your supernova
And you the stars in my galaxy.
Come down one deeper …
You’ll like it you’ll see.

HeartCadence

He placed both hands on each side of my face.

And when he kissed me time between us stood still.

As if the cadences of my heart were echoing in his chest.

I had never been kissed like that before.

so much so where it burned me alive.

And I stood there. Helpless in his palms.

Lost between the sound of the music playing in the background..

And the faint stutter of my breath.

waiting for him to release the air back into my throat.

It was like washing myself in air and turning through a swell in the middle of the sea.

That kiss. That profound moment. Radiated in the core of my existence.

Beating like a drum through my rib cage.

And never have I ever had to catch myself so fast in a moment so slow.

That everything in between seemed like angel dust and sunshine.

Never have I fallen so helplessly for someone that I could not feel the tingle in my lips.

Not like that moment I waited for…

When he placed both of his hands on each side of my face..

Not like that.

Never. Like that.

I am simple I am small.

I am simple
I am small.
I don’t ask for a lot..
In fact not much at all.
I like to stand and smile
With the air against my skin
I like a cup of coffee
For each morning I begin.
I enjoy music floating in the air
I like the sound of laughter
The feel of fingers through my hair.
A blank empty page
For me to sing my thoughts.
An ear that’s meant for listening.
To the things I say out loud.
I like to hold to hold his hand
While we move through a crowd.
I like the smell of summer
On a hot humid morning.
I like to wrap my legs around another’s
Before I close my eyes to sleep at night.
I enjoy seeing people smile..
Holding the door for a stranger walking out..
I enjoy giving light to people..
Because it makes me happy.
I enjoy family.
Hugging my best friends.
I enjoy listening to stories
Told by all different kinds of souls.
I enjoy waking up before the sun..
And laying in bed by 8.
I love Chris Martins voice.
And the red colors of the changing leaves.
I enjoy a handsome smile.
Tucked beneath a beard..
A good ansana in the stillness of the day.
I enjoy words in the English language.
Serendipity.
I like the sound of a busy city.
A warm blanket on a winters day.
I like to give my love away.
To someone who will give me the same..
You see..
I am simple I am small.
I don’t ask for a lot..
In fact not much at all.

my letter of good parting

lets go with this.

at least 5 times a day– something inside the very fabric of my soul,nestled down in that deep hidden,lost,uncharted,plume of depth.. a fervor churns vigorously inside my obscure existence. the acute distraction, i implement daily, hourly, momentarily, to keep myself from withdrawing into a chaotic swell of sorrow and malady. The incessant affliction of disparate faces you wear so often. I cannot keep up with the changing of your tide, the swift motion of here now there, is it me or you. I cannot begin to paint the picture of where it leaves me in my own emotional battle.  You stagger back and forth; aloof; and unreachable. So much insolence to others, and yet you demand others to be so willing to accept you for your insouciance. Your shortcomings, your for lack of better word, insanity.

Pardon me for sharpening my swords, in the wake of your silence. you torture me with your carelessness.  and you sew me back up with vibrant delusion. only to relinquish me into perplexing moments of disarray.

your zeal has lost its luster.. your charm has eluded you; and left you to waver. you dont possess the obvious capacity it would take to love a woman as spellbinding as I stand.

i never wanted ill for you. only to see your world light up in the dark. to shine with the most glorious of color. to watch pastel sunrise slowly make sweet love to your warm skin. to know that even in your darkest hour; light would make its way into the tiniest, hidden, places in your heart. to know that because I could not be there; close enough to share the same air flowing through your lungs… that my soul could pick up and carry through the longest of nights. through the most arduous of days. to find you.. to enlighten you. to watch you in your totality.

but somehow i have shown to be inadequate in my feat to express compassion, and tenderness to you. I have somehow- not met your requirement that you so often dissipate so far away from me.

i must tell you it causes me a immense suffering. to walk with a fragmented heart. to feel the rigidity in the tone of your once rich, velvet voice. I feel as if, my own discern, has been sundered; lashed and left to lay; in defeat of a love–that has once again- proved itself soluble to the very root of her foundation.

that feeling; robs me of my happiness, because you so selfishly take from me; when you need; when you feel like i am deserving.. and that feeling; drowns any love; i will ever be able to hold onto for you; you suffocate me in this box. these walls.. lined with pictures of you; the casual aloof ring in your voice, the dust collecting like memories of an old friend; a tired story; a fairy princess who never made it out of the ivory tower.

but I will, again mend my scars with the the utmost benevolence, in the greatest magnitude of strength and conviction. you didnt know how to evoke empathy — and for you I feel sorry.

Changing colour

The leaves are changing colors
As September has it’s stay
The air is getting cooler
And I can feel it in my bones
Something in me was dead wrong.
But I chose to ignore it all along.
The leaves are changing with the seasons..
As I lay my love for you to rest.
There are things I cannot change
And I think a goodbye is best.
My heart fills up with hope
And god I’ve used it.
And I’m making this choice
To leave it.
The wind sends shivers down my spine
And as I woke this morning..
I got the answer I’ve been begging for
But got distracted by the time.
I was waiting up for you..
But I was worried about me too..
I lost it all on you.
I loved you like a house on fire..
I wanted to bring you back to life.
Now all of this forsaken..
And all of it in spite..
As October makes it way into the weeks ahead..
I’m sure I will be just fine..
I know with time..
A fickle thing..
Things that left the bruises …
Slowly lose their ache.
The scars will form with time to come..
I’ll be fine I knew I was.
And it will lose it’s luster
But I won’t lose my shine..
I just wish you had told me …
Because now it all seems like a line..
June was beautiful —
Colored with greens and blues.
Just like the seasons change
So did you…
And I’ll always sing your song
When I hear anathallo
Or when I see a pale pink sunrise
Alone at 5am.
But you’ve been gone so long…
And I’ve had to fill up all the cracks of you…
With pieces of myself …
there wasn’t much to grieve..
And the leaves are changing colors
As Septembers stay is over due
A whisper with goodbye
I just hope you know —
I loved you..
I hope you know I tried.

burningmemories//papertragedies

i have burned your face into my memory like a swollen house.

i have forced myself to color with the shades inside your eyes.

cut out the paper tragedies that i hang up in my room

i feel like ive created a fantasy …

to escape the ghosts of you.

i have etched your splendor in to the covers of my books.

i have woven your tongue lashings into my heart strings.

folded  origami, paper cranes, lets build a house.

when i close my eyes i can see how much that i have lost.

oil paintings, colors running down the walls.

you never planned to stay..

you were never really here at all.

and i dont want to look away..

put my heart back on this shelf.

all i have left is the beating chorus that echoes in my chest.

your eyes staring back at me from a photograph

your sadness seeps out of your veins

i can see it written on your face.

i have retraced all of our memories.

i have built the walls with sand in side my room..

so that if one day you return to me..

you can still knock them down..

but for now my bitter apologies..

i tell you what you want to hear…

its all in vein…

the saddest part about this..

is that i thought you were my friend…

and now you are jagged..

and i am jaded in the end..

you are like a phantom

memories fading from my head..

and i never thought id have to hold back

from the things we always said..

 

 

You come and go in waves.

I find myself lost in thoughts of you.
I can’t help my heart let go of you.
It doesn’t get better.
You come and go in waves.
Some days I can’t get out of bed.
Some days I walk around in a daze
I keep retracing all my steps
I relieve every second of you
I try to figure out where it happened
Try to see the day…
Where I lost you.
I’m drinking you away..
Today blurs into yesterday
Tomorrow I’ll pull through.
I think of you out there.
Palm trees and ocean
Sand and green.
I wonder if you miss me
Like I’m missing you.
And I don’t care how we say it
I don’t care if you paint it
Across a September sky.
I am sick of crying
I’m sick of loves that fade away
With you my heart so open
And now I’m left indifferent.
It’s been two months and 18 days
Since you took your love away..
And I can’t stop drinking about you..
It never goes away..
Some days I’m fine …
Other days I can’t speak your name …
Other days I don’t know
If I’m coming or going …
If this is real or if it’s fake…
My heart hangs heavy
On a hook inside my chest..
I try to move around you
But In the memories
Motion what I lack..
I’m still lost in thoughts of you.
I can’t make my heart let go of you
It hasn’t gotten better..
You come and go in waves…

Wait.

I long for a soul
Who sees the beautiful mess I am
I long for a soul
Who hears the song in my heart
And sings it back to me
I long for a soul
To grab me by my insides
And shake me to my core
I long for a soul
Who looks at me and sees mortar
I long for a soul
Whose hands burn across my skin
I long for a soul
Who dances by a flame
A soul who looks like magic
And answers to my name
I long for a soul
Who gets drunk off words like wine
I long for a soul
Who wears nothing on their feet
A soul who can stand in silence
And yet somehow they still speak
I long for a soul
Who rambles on topic of gypsy tales
I long for a soul
Who will set me on fire and shower me with rain
I long for a soul
Who radiates with courage
And convictions of the strange
I long for a soul
Who is weird like circus show
I long for a soul
That throbs with passion unmatched
Bewilderment and Damaged
I long for a soul
A soul that looks like me.

Beyond the raw …

The air is humid tonight.
Cool enough to feel the love.
I stood in the rain
In the slightest light.
I let the rain come down
Through the cotton of my sweater
I let it roll down my cheeks
And I’m just swaying baby
To a tune that sings of you
I’m California dreaming
And you’re still dead inside
He won’t fault me for my heartache
He knows I think of you.
He doesn’t give a shit
Cuz he’s hungry for my love
He wants a little bit
And I can feel it coming
As I stand here in the night
Dancing by myself
I guess it feels alright
I’m swimming in nostalgia
Hindered by mistakes
I wait for you babe …
Til you come through babe.
I’ve got my pabst blue ribbon
I’ve got my Marlboros
But it don’t mean shit
I’m just laying in the swell
I swear you knew id say it
You know me all to well
Sweat on my skin
Dew comforted by rain
I smell of sandalwood and heartache
You can see it on my face
But tonight I’m going to forget
Let it carry off the ledge
Cause your love is so past me now
I don’t care how ugly
My insecurity sounds
I gave you the ocean
Humbled by a chord in c
I never saw you broken
Just how you felt to me
I’m just faded in a moment
Heavied with disdain
Aren’t we all a little fucked up
In a beautiful kind of way
Sunday shakes Saturday
June was just goodbye
And it may not make sense to anyone
But it’s written here on my heart…
I knew the fucking answer
Still tore me apart
And I love to love you
When you’re not black inside
You’re my double rainbow
In a world doomed to die
Pardon my untimeliness
It’s separate in my mind..
Fire to my flame
Water til I dry …
Cuz I’m just gunna dance here
In this rain tonight

[[see][betweenmylines]]

life in black and white

shiny shades of grey and blue

strange face reflections

they resemble you.

reminiscent; like fluorescence.

channel it up out and away 

rip the pages out of your own book.

feel sorry for yourself

you dont like the way life looks.

cut your teeth on bible passages 

what does it mean for you

we are all astray with our sins.

abandon what you’re told when we were small

silver shards of heartache

streaking through the sky.

i wear my shroud; to cover my eyes

i always see the reasons.

you with your recline.

non compos mentis

savor your insanisty

a thirst when i am gone.

via dolorosa-

stitch together by a madness

sewn betwixt the wrongs

careful with my bleeding hands

hum to me another song.

pour yourself empty

take the space from in the holes.

caustic; cutting through.

im ten stories high.

we’re all going to die.

Au Revoir Mon bebe

ill see you when im there.