lets go with this.
at least 5 times a day– something inside the very fabric of my soul,nestled down in that deep hidden,lost,uncharted,plume of depth.. a fervor churns vigorously inside my obscure existence. the acute distraction, i implement daily, hourly, momentarily, to keep myself from withdrawing into a chaotic swell of sorrow and malady. The incessant affliction of disparate faces you wear so often. I cannot keep up with the changing of your tide, the swift motion of here now there, is it me or you. I cannot begin to paint the picture of where it leaves me in my own emotional battle. You stagger back and forth; aloof; and unreachable. So much insolence to others, and yet you demand others to be so willing to accept you for your insouciance. Your shortcomings, your for lack of better word, insanity.
Pardon me for sharpening my swords, in the wake of your silence. you torture me with your carelessness. and you sew me back up with vibrant delusion. only to relinquish me into perplexing moments of disarray.
your zeal has lost its luster.. your charm has eluded you; and left you to waver. you dont possess the obvious capacity it would take to love a woman as spellbinding as I stand.
i never wanted ill for you. only to see your world light up in the dark. to shine with the most glorious of color. to watch pastel sunrise slowly make sweet love to your warm skin. to know that even in your darkest hour; light would make its way into the tiniest, hidden, places in your heart. to know that because I could not be there; close enough to share the same air flowing through your lungs… that my soul could pick up and carry through the longest of nights. through the most arduous of days. to find you.. to enlighten you. to watch you in your totality.
but somehow i have shown to be inadequate in my feat to express compassion, and tenderness to you. I have somehow- not met your requirement that you so often dissipate so far away from me.
i must tell you it causes me a immense suffering. to walk with a fragmented heart. to feel the rigidity in the tone of your once rich, velvet voice. I feel as if, my own discern, has been sundered; lashed and left to lay; in defeat of a love–that has once again- proved itself soluble to the very root of her foundation.
that feeling; robs me of my happiness, because you so selfishly take from me; when you need; when you feel like i am deserving.. and that feeling; drowns any love; i will ever be able to hold onto for you; you suffocate me in this box. these walls.. lined with pictures of you; the casual aloof ring in your voice, the dust collecting like memories of an old friend; a tired story; a fairy princess who never made it out of the ivory tower.
but I will, again mend my scars with the the utmost benevolence, in the greatest magnitude of strength and conviction. you didnt know how to evoke empathy — and for you I feel sorry.
wild soul wanderings 